My Aunt Lucy used to say, “If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.” She said many wise things I never heeded when she was alive. I want to be the woman that’s okay with hiding from what she fears and letting her big, strong man protect her. But that’s not me. I hate to be scared. I hate the feeling that there is an evil out there that could hurt me if it finds me. But mostly, I hate that so many before me lived in fear and died at the hands of evil. That is why I cannot find peace within. There is no peace for me while Healers suffer the atrocities of others.
I know Rhett would protect me at all costs. He loves me. And that is why I must leave him behind. It’s impossible to justify hurting someone you love—or many you love—to do what you truly believe is right. Lucy also used to say, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I get what she was trying to tell me now. Hindsight is twenty/twenty. Sometimes we choose a path we think will lead us toward a noble cause, full of ambition and altruism, only to look back and see we’ve run over and crushed the ones we love most along the way. I can only pray that one day those I love will forgive me.
I woke up and I left. I left Rhett, the man who saved me from myself. The man I love. I left my brothers—my best friends.
I left.
But leaving led me to more. I found answers. I found others like me—who want what I want.
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